The Diary of a Hobbit Crackwhore on Helium

[Stephanie Valencia]

Disclaimer: Any intolerant, homophobic, or otherwise offensive statements made in this Confessional are not the genuine opinions of Peter Berger, the player behind the Stephanie Valencia alias. I have many friends both online and in real life who mean the world to me who are gay, black, etc., and I apologize in advance for any anger or offense I cause to them. These opinions are expressed solely for entertainment value and do not reflect my personal beliefs in any way, shape, or form. If you want me to clarify something you read in here be it during or after the game, please contact me privately.

The following written testimonials were found buried deep on Sausage Island during an excavation. They are the diaries and opinions of an immortal, petite, 4'1, intolerant, judgmental, crack-smoking hobbit from deep within Middle Earth, chronicling her adventures on the sausage-shaped island of doom.

~Arrival~

Dear Diary:
Today, I was taken from my humble home in Middle Earth, where I fled when the Confederacy lost The War of Northern Aggression with my 30 slaves that served me crack, food, and did my work, and was told I would be embarking on a quest for $1 million on The Island of big dick Sausage.

Upon arrival, we were split into three groups. I was put in the most disgusting group I could have possibly imagined. I was placed in a group with a greedy and ugly Jew, a southern bitch who doesn't hate darkies, a neanderthal-like man by the name of Savage, some Equal-Rights Activist former Marine, A humble Miss Montana, an Asian who needs to make me eggrolls, and some random cunt with bucked teeth who I want to shove a tire iron through that gap of hers. Fucking pig.

But that wasn't even the worst! Then, diary, oh Lord!

THERE WAS A WILD DARKIE IN OUR GROUP! His name was Sekou or something, and he looked like a descendant of Harriet Tubman, the bitch that ruined America.

Now, I had a few options with him, I could
A. Make him my slave
B. Run Away
C. Snort crack off his dick
or D. All of the Above.

I ultimately chose B, he looked like a lovechild of Harriet Tubman and Snorlax with a little bit of Gollum mixed in there.

Now, at first, I was even more disappointed, because I had a feeling that these people would be the people we would be playing with for The Precious, which is that thing that keeps you from being voted off, which I know I'm gonna need, because I'm not used to doing work, my darkies usually pick my cotton for me, as well as my crops, and tend to my animals on my plantation. I'd hate to do any work myself.

In addition to that, we have the Wild Darkie on our team, of course we'd lose. Darkies ruin the world.

However, bless my soul! We're told this is NOT our tribes, but rather who we're competing against.

The challenge was called "Toss the Sausage" At first, the guys thought this meant that they would win, as they all dropped their pants and compared dick sizes. Once Lex and Brett came over, laughing and puking seeing these five burly and clearly intellectually retarded men trying to see who could jizz the fastest, they calmly explain to the five masturbating men that this challenges also involves the females, and the sausage link on the ground, not the sausage within their pants.

However, the men still clearly finding far more bliss and enjoyment in whipping out their dicks, gang up on the women and Miss Montana, Asian Whore, and Random Bucked Tooth Chick get knocked out, leaving just Cute Southern Girl and I, The Great Hobbit Crackwhore, battling the four men. I do well until Wild Darkie decides to stick his black sausage in my face, while throwing the real sausage at me simultaneously. Disgusted, I vomit and lose my focus, dropping the link. Misty, however, forms a bond with me during this period, and subsequently knocks the four men out, becoming a captain.

Fortunatley, none of the darkies or the spics land on this tribe, and we get a tribe of good, humble white folks on this tribe, with our only problem being that jew, Penner.

However, that shouldn't be much of a deal, as once I'm done with him, I'll simply shove him into my convertible that I've stuffed with 1,025 Jews, and no one will ever miss him!

My ashtray has 999 of them already, so he'd be the perfect thousandth.

I do like this tribe's chances, though, and I think we will win many Preciouses along the way, and if not, we can send out the inactive Miss Montana. Thus far, I really like that southern babe Misty, that strong girl Stephenie, that cop Tammy(Who I must hide my crack and slave stash from), Penner and Matty. Penner will of course be 6th wheel so I can shove him into an oven and no one will notice if I have my way.

I've made no alliances thus far, but want one with Stephenie, Misty, and Tammy, with Matty and Penner on the side, preferably.

But let's not worry about this now, and win The Precious so I can continue to gleefully smoke crack and not be criticized for it when we lose and I'm whacked out!






[/i][/b][/color]

[Ted Rogers]

Fortunately none of the darkies are on your tribe, but they be in your confessional..skinny racist bitchhot piece of grinding meat.

Now if you do need a place to hide that crack from the cop Steph, Rory's ass has plenty of room, I would know. Don't judge, it was dark and I thought it was Sherea, these mistakes do happen.

[Stephanie Valencia]

Ted Rogers...you are aware this is done strictly as a joke, right?

Lol.

Sorry if I do offend you.

[Ted Rogers]

Mar 8, 2012 2:47:19 GMT -5 Stephanie Valencia said:

Ted Rogers...you are aware this is done strictly as a joke, right?

Lol.

Sorry if I do offend you.

No I missed that GIGANTIC WALL OF RED TEXT right at the begginning of your confessional. I thought you were serious!

[Stephanie Valencia]

~First Defeat~

Well, we lost, and quite frankly...

Our Tribe put forth a valiant effort for The Precious, but the Salchicha tribe basically kicked our asses until next week, which is quite embarrassing since that cotton-picking darkie is over there, and here we sit preparing to shun one of our own and commit them to a concentration camp. All I can do is hope I'm not the one sent to the gas chamber. I mean, we have a Jew...he'd BE the first candidate, naturally, right?

Well, he would be, except we have that stupid Miss America Bimbo who's sitting on her twat doing a whole lot of nothing and dragging our tribe down, much like a Mexican on its Siesta, so the tribe consensus is to send her out to keep a strong, unified tribe together.

However, not all is at it seems, as there are already cracks beginning to form in this tribe.

Last night, Matty approached me for the first time in the game, and told me that he was scared and worried that alliances and bonds had already formed, and that he felt on the outs of the tribe. With that being said, he offered me an alliance.Now, to be honest, I wasn't crazy about it, but I figured, hey, why not, you don't say no to an alliance, right?

So, we get to talking, and he says he feels really comfortable with me, and asked me who my targets were. Unsure about him, but wanting to test him out, I tell him Amanda, Savage, and Tom are the three I haven't spoken to.

So, today, Stephenie and Tammy get to talking and they hit it off right away, like hot mess express hit it off. They hit it off like hobos on bread hit it off. This then leads to a majority alliance being formed with Myself, Stephenie, Tammy, Misty, and Tom. But, of course, this is Survivor. Shit can NEVER be THAT simple, right? After I let Stephenie know I have ties with Matty and am developing a bond with Penner, I find out backstabbing has already started.

Stephenie relays to me the following:


Erin Morricci (9:45:46 PM): Tom Westman 8:42 pm
yes i came to her as well because of the group 1 thing
and she told me she loves u and wants u in it
id also like to say that i dont trust the stephanie
theres something about her


Erin Morricci 8:43 pm
mmm
I can sense it too, but for now I like her enough to include her..for now



Tom Westman 8:44 pm
yeah its just i think she already marked me as a liabilitiy
i heard it from matty
Erin Morricci (9:46:01 PM): Erin Morricci 8:44 pm
mmm
good to know


Tom Westman 8:45 pm
she pointed out me,andrew and amanda as the weakest link
i didnt confront her tho
so im pretending im all smiles with her atm
Erin Morricci (9:46:11 PM): Matty doesn't seem all bros with you
Stephanie Valencia (9:46:12 PM): I told Matty that
Stephanie Valencia (9:46:15 PM): So he's leaking info
Erin Morricci (9:46:22 PM): Tom Westman 8:44 pm
yeah its just i think she already marked me as a liabilitiy
i heard it from matty
Stephanie Valencia (9:46:25 PM): He's not going for me this TC though is he?
Erin Morricci (9:46:27 PM): clearly
Erin Morricci (9:46:36 PM): no, everyone is set on Amanda
Erin Morricci (9:46:40 PM): but Matty is no good

Son of a bitch...did Matty really make an alliance with me on Day 1 for the simple purpose of relaying shit I say to Tom and others to make me look like a conniving bitch?

UM, HELLO, I AM STEPHANIE FUCKING HOBBIT CRACKWHORE VALENCIA! DO NOT FUCKING DOUBLE CROSS ME! DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING AMATEUR TO YOU YOU FUCKING SECOND-CLASS CITIZEN HALF-BLACK MOTHERFUCKER?!

YOU THINK I'M A ROOKIE, BITCH?! YOU THINK I'LL KEEP FEEDING YOU SHIT?!

If we didn't have an inactive twat waffle, I'd be launching "Operation Mutilate Matty" into motion now, but sadly, I have to sit here and pretend he's got me wrapped around his scrawny, worthless little finger for a little while longer.

But seriously, Matty, ain't it a little early for the rumor-starting, backstabbing bullshit? Seriously, I have one thing to say to you:

Seriously, I can have you fucking gassed, you fucking Jew. You'd look nice in my ashtray, I've been looking for another cheap ass fucking Jew to shove in it.

At this point, my strategy is to continue to build trust with Tammy, Penner, and Misty, that way voting out this pest named Matty will be a snap next time we go to TC.

I gotta go update my crack stash!

Barring I'm not blindsided by this tribe, I'll see ya next week!

~The Hobbit


[/color]

[Stephanie Valencia]

~Return from Tribal~

So, we voted out dead weight Amanda, and prepared to advance to the next challenge. It was an easy vote, as Miss Montana decided to sit on her twat and do nothing, and not try to campaign when she DID sign on.

At this point, Misty is indifferent to the alliance of 5, I haven't seen Tammy on, and Stephenie is Stephenie. Tom and I are still not very close, and I'm trying to warm up to Andrew & Penner. If I have it my way, we will vote out Matty next, but that's for then.

For now, it's onto the challenge and more fake smiles at Matty for another week. Kill me now.





[/i][/b][/color]

[Kim Powers-Bell]

What's the beef with you and Tom?

[Stephanie Valencia]

Tom heard from Matty that I called him a weak link, so he doesn't like or trust me that much. Do I actually think he's a weak link? No. I think Matty is, but I wasn't gonna say that to his face. Additionally to that, I didn't trust Matty, so I was testing him, and he failed miserably.

[Stephanie Valencia]

~Jews Have More Uses Than To Feed A Fire-Second Defeat~

So, Drunken Ginger Bastard prepares Our Team+The Jew for The Precious Challenge, where we compete for The Precious yet again, hoping to win and avoid going to the Concentration Camp Ceremony. Now, I liked our chances...I mean, as I stated before, we AREN'T the team with a cotton-picking darkie on it. The other teams both have one, that alone should give us a very big advantage in the challenge.

That is, until Drunked Ginger tells us it's a PUZZLE CHALLENGE!!!

Figures, we cut dead weight twat Amanda, and what does Lex give us? THE ONE THING I SUCK AT! Well...worse than I suck at most shit.

However, fortunately for me, Misty, Penner, Stephenie, and Tammy are beasts at challenges, and Matty decides to be a tard and go for the big puzzle. So I'm thinking, okay, if I take the worst puzzle, we have a good shot at The Precious...right?

Well...for once in this game, I was right! We DID have a good shot at The Precious, I score 1:48 at The Precious, which means that the Apocalypse is sure to come this December, and that minorities will soon rule the Earth, which means you need to hide your kids, hide your wife, and hide your husband because they'll be raping everybody out there.

The rest of my tribe, being very adept at puzzles, kicks ass, but sadly the other tribes are just as inhuman as we are, so we're all apprehensive as Ginger Bastard posts results.

As the host comes out with results, he says...

"BAYONACA WINS IMMUNITY!!"

We all start hugging, kissing, and celebrating, like so:

...Until, that is, the host comes back.

Calmly calling us all back, Bastard calmly explains that his results were A RED HERRING! A FAKE! HE FAKED US OUT! He fucked up his math in a drunken stupor while he was drinking schnapps out of a whore's tits, causing a three-way tie, so the debate began: Who do we send out to do the tiebreaker?

Now, I immediately took myself out of these sweepstakes. I knew if I went up against Chelsea or Chase, I would surely get last, so I made sure to keep myself offline and out of the race.

Tammy ultimately, due to her good score on the 160 piece puzzle, agrees to step up for the team.

She does, but she finishes 8 seconds slower than Chelsea, and we finish last, and we lose...again.

Well fuck my life with a rusted hammer and no lube! We lost...AGAIN! Which, makes me feel like this:

Although, I'm somewhat proud of myself, I mean, I got less than 2 minutes on a puzzle, which is the equivalent of Civil Rights being anything more than a publicity stunt.

So now that we lost, it was down to business: Operation Kill Matty Commence. So, at first I thought I'd have to do a lot of bus-throwing and rumor-spreading, but then all of a sudden, that wasn't needed.

ENTER THE JEW!

Monday, March 12, 2012
Stephanie Valencia (9:32:26 PM): ugh
Stephanie Valencia (9:32:27 PM): wow
Morgan Glasberg (9:32:37 PM): ughhhhhhhhhh
Morgan Glasberg (9:33:56 PM): This is the second time in a row that we came in last -_-
Stephanie Valencia (9:34:03 PM): No, we got 2nd last time.
Stephanie Valencia (9:34:09 PM): We were TC1B
Stephanie Valencia (9:34:47 PM): Any ideas on the vote?
Morgan Glasberg (9:35:34 PM): I have no idea...
Morgan Glasberg (9:35:44 PM): I feel like I've clicked the least with Matty
Morgan Glasberg (9:35:59 PM): And to me he seems kinda awkward in a sense
Stephanie Valencia (9:36:02 PM): Yeah plus
Stephanie Valencia (9:36:06 PM): Do you swear not to spread this?
Stephanie Valencia (9:36:11 PM): He offered me an alliance within like
Stephanie Valencia (9:36:12 PM): 3 seconds
Stephanie Valencia (9:36:14 PM): I was like
Stephanie Valencia (9:36:14 PM): ...
Stephanie Valencia (9:36:40 PM): Then I told him something and it got around. So if you wanna do that, I'm down.
Morgan Glasberg (9:36:51 PM): I won't spready it
Morgan Glasberg (9:36:54 PM): spread*
Stephanie Valencia (9:36:58 PM): And by got around
Stephanie Valencia (9:37:01 PM): I mean it got around within 24 hours
Morgan Glasberg (9:37:10 PM): What did you tell him?
Morgan Glasberg (9:37:13 PM): Because he didn't tell me
Stephanie Valencia (9:37:16 PM): Who I thought were the weakest
Stephanie Valencia (9:37:22 PM): I thought he was one of them but obvs I wasn't gonna say that
Stephanie Valencia (9:37:29 PM): I mentioned Tom, and then Tom found out
Stephanie Valencia (9:37:44 PM): So yeah...I'm glad someone else wants him.
Morgan Glasberg (9:38:36 PM): Yeah, let's think about that.
Stephanie Valencia (9:38:45 PM): Lol well I'm gonna talk to others
Stephanie Valencia (9:38:53 PM): But I'm not gonna vote you for sure
Stephanie Valencia (9:38:59 PM): So hopefully we can get that to gain some momentum
Stephanie Valencia (9:39:05 PM): I mean he clearly can't be trusted.
Morgan Glasberg (9:39:16 PM): Yeah, I'm gonna talk with Savage and Tom who're both online right now
Morgan Glasberg (9:39:23 PM): And then Steph said she'd be back later
Stephanie Valencia (9:39:32 PM): Don't tell them about this please.
Stephanie Valencia (9:39:37 PM): Just mention Matty and see what they think.
Stephanie Valencia (9:39:52 PM): I trust you won't.
Morgan Glasberg (9:39:55 PM): That's exactly what I just did
Stephanie Valencia (9:40:00 PM): I do think Matty/Tom have a deal though
Morgan Glasberg (9:40:00 PM): Just mentioned him
Stephanie Valencia (9:40:05 PM): If he's hesitant to do Matty, that confirms it imo
Stephanie Valencia (9:40:19 PM): I mean...why else would he run to Tom and tell him I said that? Right?
Morgan Glasberg (9:40:44 PM): Yeah
Morgan Glasberg (9:40:47 PM): Ugh.
Stephanie Valencia (9:40:49 PM): What ugh?
Morgan Glasberg (9:40:52 PM):
Morgan Glasberg: (12:39:45 AM) Well what I want to know is.... what's your take on Matty?
Tom Westman: (12:39:57 AM) i think that hes reliable when needed
Stephanie Valencia (9:40:57 PM): Well
Morgan Glasberg (9:40:58 PM): So duh.
Stephanie Valencia (9:40:59 PM): That settles that
Stephanie Valencia (9:41:05 PM): But we've got 2 on Matty here.
Stephanie Valencia (9:41:07 PM): We just need 3 more.
Stephanie Valencia (9:41:23 PM): I have a feeling Matty/Tom are gonna go for me.
Morgan Glasberg (9:41:51 PM): I have that feeling too
Morgan Glasberg (9:42:02 PM): We've got two, me and you, I'm sure we can get Steph
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:06 PM): Yeah I think so too
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:08 PM): And I'll work Misty.
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:10 PM): Plus
Morgan Glasberg (9:42:11 PM): Yup
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:16 PM): We only really need 4, Matty has the past vote.
Morgan Glasberg (9:42:17 PM): And I'm talking with Savage right now
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:23 PM): So even if it's 4-4 me vs. him, I'd stay.
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:32 PM): Stephanie Valencia 9:41 pm
Any premature ideas on the vote?


Andrew Savage 9:42 pm
No ideas. >_<
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:34 PM): -___-
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:37 PM): Translation: Voting you
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:38 PM): Lol
Morgan Glasberg (9:42:40 PM): Well hold on
Morgan Glasberg (9:42:43 PM): No he said the same to me
Stephanie Valencia (9:42:46 PM): Nvm :-P
Stephanie Valencia (9:43:01 PM): Also
Stephanie Valencia (9:43:09 PM): I'm strategically not gonna tell Tom I'm targeting Matty
Stephanie Valencia (9:43:13 PM): Matty thinks he's got me whipped.
Morgan Glasberg (9:43:22 PM): I just quickly mentioned Matty to him and asking him what he thinks
Morgan Glasberg (9:43:26 PM): Yeah do that lol
Stephanie Valencia (9:44:08 PM): I'm glad you trust me btw, or seem to.
Stephanie Valencia (9:44:16 PM): The feeling is mutual, it's why I opened up about the Matty thing.
Morgan Glasberg (9:44:22 PM): Yeah I definitely trust you <3
Stephanie Valencia (9:44:38 PM): I think I'll tell Matty/Tom Savage.
Stephanie Valencia (9:44:42 PM): I think he might be linked with them.
Stephanie Valencia (9:44:48 PM): So if they relay it to Savage...busted.
Stephanie Valencia (9:45:15 PM): <---Not a dumb broad. XD
Morgan Glasberg (9:46:08 PM): Oh boy.
Stephanie Valencia (9:46:25 PM): Matty: I kinda wanna keep Savage.
Morgan Glasberg (9:46:29 PM): Oh boy.
Morgan Glasberg: (12:46:18 AM) Tom Westman: (12:44:01 AM) so it all comes down to who is least liked or least social
Tom Westman: (12:44:11 AM) or least trustworthy for that matter
Morgan Glasberg: (12:44:48 AM) Right. Was there anyone in particular who you were a bit wary about in regards to trustworthiness?
Tom Westman: (12:45:03 AM) there was one person..
Tom Westman: (12:45:07 AM) but idk
Tom Westman: (12:45:11 AM) i mean people talk about them
Morgan Glasberg: (12:45:15 AM) What do you mean?
Morgan Glasberg (9:46:34 PM): Tom Westman: (12:45:17 AM) but it does make me wary
Tom Westman: (12:45:25 AM) i meant people want them around
Tom Westman: (12:45:36 AM) its just that i find them wary because it seems EVERYONE wants them around
Morgan Glasberg: (12:45:55 AM) Who?
Tom Westman: (12:46:01 AM) stephanie
Morgan Glasberg (9:46:41 PM): We gotta do some coercing
Stephanie Valencia (9:46:51 PM): He wants me out bigtime?
Stephanie Valencia (9:46:59 PM): Stephanie Valencia 9:46 pm
Is that what you're hearing?
Well who would we vote then?


Trevor James 9:46 pm
Honestly I'm thinking misty for no reason other then lack of connection
Stephanie Valencia (9:47:01 PM): Bingo
Stephanie Valencia (9:47:06 PM): Throwing him squarely under the bus brb
Morgan Glasberg (9:47:34 PM): kk :-)
Stephanie Valencia (9:47:45 PM): I'm sending Misty this:
Stephanie Valencia (9:48:19 PM): What are Savage/Tom saying?
Stephanie Valencia (9:48:44 PM): He wants to keep Savage around, and he's after you, and I want him to go. Penner's down, so all we need is one more if you agree.
Morgan Glasberg (9:49:02 PM): Well he just sent me this, I dunno if it's bullshit but
Morgan Glasberg (9:49:26 PM): Tom Westman: (12:46:50 AM) but idk i think everyone wants her
Tom Westman: (12:46:58 AM) so i dont think people would want her out
Morgan Glasberg: (12:47:24 AM) Right, so if we can't get the votes to get rid of her, who do you think would be the next plausible option?
Tom Westman: (12:47:40 AM) well theres andrew
Tom Westman: (12:47:45 AM) who no one talks about lol
Morgan Glasberg: (12:48:10 AM) Do you mean that in a way where like.... if we mentioned him people would be willing to get rid of him?
Tom Westman: (12:48:25 AM) yes because no one seems to have been talking to him
Stephanie Valencia (9:49:43 PM): Matty wants him to stay
Stephanie Valencia (9:49:58 PM): But Tom doesn't
Stephanie Valencia (9:50:02 PM): So tell him you'll vote Savage
Stephanie Valencia (9:50:15 PM): We can use that as collateral to get Savage to jump on "Team Blindside Matty"
Stephanie Valencia (9:51:46 PM): Unless you think that's too rash.
Morgan Glasberg (9:52:16 PM): I was actually thinking of copy-pasting the convo i just had with Tom to Savage
Stephanie Valencia (9:52:23 PM): Yeah, might be smart
Stephanie Valencia (9:52:42 PM): Also is the PM I sent Misty good?
Stephanie Valencia (9:52:49 PM): He wants to keep Savage around, and he's after you, and I want him to go. Penner's down, so all we need is one more if you agree.
Morgan Glasberg (9:53:29 PM): Yeah that's good
Stephanie Valencia (9:53:37 PM): I'm trying to get Steph on boardnow
Stephanie Valencia (9:53:40 PM): board now*
Stephanie Valencia (9:54:23 PM): Here's what I'm officially shooting her:
Stephanie Valencia (9:54:29 PM): nvm
Stephanie Valencia (9:54:36 PM): I added this:
He's shady and has some deal going on with Tom and possibly Savage too.
Stephanie Valencia (10:01:39 PM): PM sent :-)
Stephanie Valencia (10:01:43 PM): Is Steph in?
Morgan Glasberg (10:01:54 PM): I'm talking with her right now
Stephanie Valencia (10:02:19 PM): We should make a chat if she's in with us 3+Savage
Stephanie Valencia (10:02:22 PM): to get him on board
Morgan Glasberg (10:03:29 PM): Yeah
Morgan Glasberg (10:03:32 PM): I'm working him right now
Morgan Glasberg (10:03:37 PM): And Steph would rather go for Matty
Stephanie Valencia (10:03:55 PM): I don't think he'd be hard to convince
Stephanie Valencia (10:03:56 PM): lol
Stephanie Valencia (10:04:05 PM): I mean I have Matty agreeing to boot him right here
Stephanie Valencia (10:04:07 PM): So
Morgan Glasberg (10:04:27 PM): He seems convinced.
Morgan Glasberg (10:04:32 PM): :-D
Stephanie Valencia (10:04:36 PM): Can I see?
Morgan Glasberg (10:05:09 PM): He might've been blowing me off but here's what I got
Morgan Glasberg (10:05:12 PM): Morgan Glasberg: (1:01:44 AM) And in that conversation I kinda feel like Tom quasi-revealed that he has something going with him.
Andrew Savage: (1:02:40 AM) Ahh. That's probably not a good sign
Morgan Glasberg: (1:03:21 AM) Right. So I think.... if we were to split those two up, do you think Tom's stronger/a bigger asset than Matty?
Andrew Savage: (1:03:31 AM) Yeah, I think he is
Morgan Glasberg: (1:03:54 AM) Would you be willing to vote for Matty if we can get the votes?
Andrew Savage: (1:04:03 AM) Yes.
Morgan Glasberg: (1:04:24 AM) Alright. Well I'll let you know if I hear anything else, but I was glad we were able to have this talk :-)
Andrew Savage: (1:04:34 AM) Me too. Thanks
Stephanie Valencia (10:06:30 PM): Misty's on
Stephanie Valencia (10:06:33 PM): fucking PERFECT
Morgan Glasberg (10:06:37 PM): She's down?
Stephanie Valencia (10:06:41 PM): no
Stephanie Valencia (10:06:46 PM): But I showed her the PM with Matty targeting her
Stephanie Valencia (10:07:15 PM): BUt she's silent
Stephanie Valencia (10:07:15 PM): -___
Stephanie Valencia (10:07:19 PM): -___-&
Morgan Glasberg (10:07:27 PM): I just sent her a message too
Morgan Glasberg (10:07:33 PM): I'm gonna see if I can get anything out of her
Morgan Glasberg (10:09:40 PM): Here she comes.
Stephanie Valencia (10:09:45 PM): There she is
Stephanie Valencia (10:17:56 PM): She's down
Stephanie Valencia (10:17:59 PM): That should be the 4 we need
Stephanie Valencia (10:18:04 PM): Gonna try to work Tammy too
Stephanie Valencia (10:18:13 PM): Hopefully this becomes 6-2
Morgan Glasberg (10:18:23 PM): Yeah, hopefully
Morgan Glasberg (10:18:54 PM): If you and I have pulled this off...... holy shit
Stephanie Valencia (10:23:33 PM): I think we have
Stephanie Valencia (10:23:37 PM): Misty's obviously in
Stephanie Valencia (10:23:42 PM): and you said you got Savage/Steph, right?
Morgan Glasberg (10:23:56 PM): Yeah.
Morgan Glasberg (10:24:07 PM): So that's 5 right there.
Stephanie Valencia (10:25:16 PM): Yup
Stephanie Valencia (10:25:22 PM): And I doubt they'd be lying on Matty's behalf this early.
Morgan Glasberg (10:34:00 PM): Right.
Morgan Glasberg (10:34:03 PM): Well, go us
Morgan Glasberg (10:34:05 PM): *fistbump*
Stephanie Valencia (10:34:11 PM): *Fist bump* <33
Morgan Glasberg (10:34:24 PM): <3
Stephanie Valencia (10:36:06 PM): The look on his face
Stephanie Valencia (10:36:08 PM): is gonna be
Stephanie Valencia (10:36:09 PM): priceless
Stephanie Valencia (10:36:11 PM): trust.
Morgan Glasberg (10:37:11 PM): The look on Matty's face?
Morgan Glasberg (10:37:16 PM): Well both Matty and Tom.
Stephanie Valencia (10:37:16 PM): Yeah
Stephanie Valencia (10:37:18 PM): Lol ikr
Morgan Glasberg (10:39:33 PM): I'm doing all my convos in my confessionals now lol
Morgan Glasberg (10:39:39 PM): It's a lot more work to format than I expected haha
Stephanie Valencia (10:39:43 PM): lol I bet
Morgan Glasberg (10:52:20 PM): FINALLY everything is all squared away lol
Stephanie Valencia (10:52:26 PM): ?
Morgan Glasberg (10:52:35 PM): For my convos for my confesh
Stephanie Valencia (10:52:36 PM): Oh for your convos
Stephanie Valencia (10:52:37 PM): I get it
Stephanie Valencia (10:52:43 PM): I'm glad we made this happen
Morgan Glasberg (10:52:50 PM): Oh me too, undoubtedly
Stephanie Valencia (10:52:59 PM): Watch him have an Idol
Stephanie Valencia (10:52:59 PM): :-P
Morgan Glasberg (10:53:07 PM): LOL please don't say that
Morgan Glasberg (10:53:23 PM): I have to say, we worked really well together... what do you think about going to the end together?
Stephanie Valencia (10:53:30 PM): I'd be down, definitely.
Stephanie Valencia (10:53:38 PM): You seem trustworthy, and we make a strong team.
Morgan Glasberg (10:54:01 PM): You're trustworthy too and absolutely <3
Stephanie Valencia (10:54:59 PM): , glad you feel that way. Matty's loss. xD, I didn't trust him much but then he ran right to Tom, so his loss! :-P
Stephanie Valencia (10:55:15 PM): I told him what I did to test him and he miserably failed.
Morgan Glasberg (10:55:33 PM): LOL most certainly.
Morgan Glasberg (11:12:58 PM): Anyways I gotta go to bed. Tonight was awesome!
Stephanie Valencia (11:13:06 PM): Indeed! Night!
Morgan Glasberg (11:13:12 PM): G'night <3
greenday061892 signed off at 11:13:50 PM

So, Penner already doesn't like Matty, and then Matty, thinking I'm still eating out of the palm of his hand, tells me we should try to blindside Misty, I of course immediately relay this straight over to Misty, who is then down for voting Matty, then Steph is also of course down.

I mean, at first, I really wasn't excited about having a Jew on my team, but now that he's proven to be so amazing strategically, and the votes are there to boot Matty, I'm like this:

Matty really picked the wrong person to try to throw directly under the bus, that's for sure. I am a good player. I can smell trouble from a mile away. I tested you, saw how loyal you'd be, and you miserably failed the test, and now, barring an Idol play by you, Matty, you pay for it with your life in brutal, Hobbit Crack-snorting Crackwhore Fashion. No one crosses me. I am Hobbit. Hear me Roar.

Until next week, should I survive the Gas Chamber Ceremony, toodles!

[/b][/i][/color]

[Stephanie Valencia]

~First Victory~

So, upon our return from tribal, I'm on cloud 9, as Matty's blindside went off without a hitch, and the only person truly hurting my safety in the game got lolpwnt out the game. 2 down, 6 to go.

That bitch really messed with the wrong Hobbit. On top of that, my position in this tribe continued to improve. Tom and I cleared the air, and I picked up another F2 partner, The Jew. The Jew and I orchestrated that Matty vote seamlessly, so Penner offered me a F2, potentially knowing or not knowing who I am. Not sure yet.

But either way, I've got Stephenie, Penner, and Misty as F2 options(2 concrete, 1 implied), so I'm sitting pretty right now.

But, I had little time to celebrate the triumph of killing Matty, as Bayonaca and its resident Jew had to spring into action for the next challenge.

But, before the challenge, we had to rank our tribe in terms of usefulness. I didn't forget to submit, but I was ranked LAST! D-E-A-D LAST! WTF?!??!? BEHIND SAVAGE?! OH FUCK THAT!

Maybe I should pump the brakes and not be such an intolerant ho...nah. Fuck em. I know I am amazing. ~

So I did my whopping one post, I was so exhausted afterwards I fell down in exhaustion.

But, what's important is...

WE WON THE PRECIOUS!!!!!

Everyday I'm shufflin'...I am Hobbit. Hear me roar. Give me crack. Toodles!
[/i][/b][/color]

[Stephanie Valencia]

~Hobbit Climbs A Mountain-Second Victory~

[/color]



So, after Gregg, who was infatuated with my crack-smoking ways, was booted off of Chorizo, and our future showmance could never kick off, Drunken Ginger Bastard Dugan decided he'd make us do an Endurance Challenge on St. Patrick's Day!

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Well, I guess this is the best game out there, we must make sacrifices for it. I figure, okay, my tribe sees me as unreliable, and I didn't have any St. Paddy's day plans, I should really put in a good effort in this challenge so we don't lose...

Ginger Bastard said we'd be climbing a mountain, and that there was a giant crack stash on the other side!

Well, that settles that, time to slip on my best mountain-climbing stilettos, and get cracking!

*Hobbit breaks out into song*

Ain't No Mountain Hiiiigh Enough...Ain't no valley lowww enough...Ain't no river wiiiide enough...to keep Hobbit from her crack, babe!

Knowing that crack lay on the flipside of the mountain, I trekked all 200 feet up to its peak and back down, to make sure my tribe would win immunity. However, I had to hope the rest of my tribe was good, too, as it was average that mattered, not top performance.

Everyone on our tribe, except the two white folk, Misty and Penner, posted, but apparently, sacrificing 5 minutes of their drinking holiday was too much to spare. Like...are you kidding me?!

When I saw them perched on lawn chairs at the foot of the mountain, this is what I looked like:

Like, seriously?! FIVE MINUTES OF YOUR TIME?!?! God, if we lose The Precious because of this, and I wasted my entire St. Patrick's Day climbing a mountain, I WILL BE PISSED!

What the fuck were y'all doing? Being fucking backward redneck honkies who play "Squeal like a pig" in the forest with each other?! Fucking ghetto white trash.

We averaged 78 points. Salchicha averaged 76. Yeah, I just bailed my tribe out. I am Hobbit. Hear Me Roar. We're safe.

[/i][/b][/color]

[Stephanie Valencia]

~New Beginnings...Fuck you, Ginger~

[/size][/color]

So, after I bailed my tribe out of a date to Tribal Council by climbing 200 feet for my crack and going to town with it, Brett announced we'd have a live challenge and that we could "discuss sit-outs" come the challenge. Although Stephenie, Penner, and Andrew forecasted a swap, I didn't see this in the cards, and made our tribe chat, as I always did.

I made the chats for two reasons. For one, because I hate losing, and being organized and in a controlled environment helped that, and to flaunt my power. I made the tribe chats because I am Queen of Bayonaca. Misty, Penner, and Steph are F2 with me, and the rest of them trust me. I'm queen.

But then...as Stephenie called it in the air, we have a tribe swap!

FML!

However, I'm thinking, no biggie, as I'd SURELY, SURELY,, land a tribe with at least ONE person from Old Bayonaca, right?

...Wrong. Dead, fucking, wrong.

Apparently Ginger Bastard and God want to punish me for my intolerant ways. I must now find some place to pray to God, ask him for forgiveness, repent, and then be a good Christian and continuously re-commit the same sin.

I land on NuChorizo, the Blood Red and Ugly tribe, with, get this, FIVE Old Salchicha, Mick, and myself. Not to mention we landed big, fat, cotton-picking Darkie Sekou to top it off! So, there goes my comfortable position perched atop a throne!

FIVE BLACKS AND MICK?! WHAT THE FUCK?! While Steph, Misty, and Tammy and Tom, Savage, and Penner stay together?! THIS IS THE REWARD I GET FOR BAILING MY TRIBE THE FUCK OUT OF LAST WEEK'S IMMUNITY CHALLENGE?!

LIFE IS NOT FAIR! OMG!

So...the challenge is live. I have no time to assimilate or blink, the only way I can assure myself I'll be here another round is to have our tribe win immunity, and there was absolutely no way I wasn't going to see that we DID win!

So, when we get to the tribe chat, we all sit here squabbling about how best to win. At first, I watch these twats consider attacking the other two tribes en masse, allowing the other two tribes to pile onto us when we didn't have any open attackers. Seeing the path of impending doom that this tribe was headed on, I stepped up, calmly sighed, and laid out a strategy. More or less, I was like:

After some opposition from Sydney and Cochran, I convince them that it makes far more sense for our tribe to attack in increments, that way there was no way our tribe could get ganged up on, and we could slowly knock out the other, likely attacking en masse tribes one by one.

We took out Salchicha rather easily, then sat idly in a four-hour staltemate with Bayonaca. However, Penner never showed, and Mike and Bobby Jon gave out, while only Jay gave out for us, and we were able to quickly catch them, and wound up taking The Precious, and this Hobbit was safe to snort crack another day.

I am really turning into a star. But let's face it, we all knew that would happen. I won Immunity for my tribe a second week in a row. Bow, bitches.

[/i][/b][/color][/size]

[Host Lex]

My god...please find a new red haha

[Stephanie Valencia]

Change our ugly tribe color then!

[Kim Powers-Bell]

What are your plans if you guys end up having to go to TC?